17. Jeff M

There are some people in my life that inspire me and provide wisdom that wraps my heart in inspiration, but I can't pinpoint why. I can picture their characteristic movements-- a cock of the head in thought or a tightening of the lips in concentration. I can see their eyes, how they glisten and seem to say something in silence. Yet, I can't tell you why it is that I am inspired.

Our pastor Jeff is a man who is sincerely devoted to God and to his flock. He stands at the pulpit in a humble posture, and it always seems to me that he feels it a gift to just be there. Never forceful, he speaks with a gentleness and a softness in his eyes that encourages me to listen to what is there behind his words. When he speaks of Jesus he seems to be at home, as though trudging through the daily grind is foreign to him, but to speak of Jesus is natural and life-giving.

Every Sunday Josh and I sit in roughly the same place, to the right of the sanctuary and close to the front. Jeff's family sits a few rows ahead of us, quietly but supportively in the front row, close to dad and husband. What strikes me is that this man, speaking with such conviction yet such calmness, leads a family whose strength and authenticity buttresses him instead of calls him into question. His wife Holly is smart, a sharp but unaffected woman with a natural beauty and confidence. Her strengths seem only to support him, never to draw the line of comparison, and when I watch her watching him from a few rows behind I am grateful to learn from this man. After all, I can tell even after only four years of marriage for myself that theirs is a tie that binds.

Jeff is a man who seems whole. Does that even make sense? What I mean is that he doesn't seem to be looking for that missing piece, he doesn't seem to grapple with the words that he preaches other than to find a good way of explaining them. This is not to say he is perfect, for surely he is not and will tell you the same, but more to say that I am baffled by his gracefulness. No, not gracefulness like a ballerina: Jeff is strong and rather firm and talks with his hands in a sort of staccato fashion that reminds you the points he is driving home are truth. He is graceful in the way he moves through conversation, not getting hung up on insecurity and judgement, never stopping at self-flattery or false admiration.

He is leading a church plant in this city; Josh and I and a handful of friends are going too. While the adventure is tantalizing, I know that for me it is more a matter of trust. I simply trust Jeff, I trust him and the family that so beautifully and self-assuredly joins him.